A little over two years ago, I met someone who changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. He was my first love, who also happened to be and still is my best, most treasured friend, even from the first moment we met. I remembered him from my childhood. As a young girl, I would often visit the church congregation of which both his family and my grandparents attended. I knew him by his black hair, chubby cheeks and gap toothed smile, but never would I compose myself as much as to remember his name each time I visited.
Years later, we met again. Things progressed slowly, but we grew to know each other so well. We would talk every day, about absolutely anything, with no intention of pursuing a relationship further than just the comfort of our friendship, sometimes it was nice to just coexist with one another. He was, and still is someone who I trust with all my heart, and is always there to have a laugh with. Smart, kind, loving, diligent, hardworking, patient, honest, even-tempered, knowledgeable, thoughtful and humble are all words I would use to describe him, to name a few.
After almost a year of talking to each other every day, seeing each other often enough and living our lives side by side. We eventually found ourselves at a party, separated from the others, continually talking as we looked up at the night sky. And there was nothing more satisfying than being there with him that night. It was at this particular moment, that we both realised the potential of our relationship. I thought I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. And so, as time progressed, so did our relationship. Our relation with each other slowly progressed from being friends who talked daily, to friends who held hands, friends who hugged longer than they would anyone else, who cuddled, who went on frequent dates, who exchanged Valentines Day gifts, friends who fell in love. And you wouldn't believe that it took us another whole year to finally share our first kiss!
Years later, we met again. Things progressed slowly, but we grew to know each other so well. We would talk every day, about absolutely anything, with no intention of pursuing a relationship further than just the comfort of our friendship, sometimes it was nice to just coexist with one another. He was, and still is someone who I trust with all my heart, and is always there to have a laugh with. Smart, kind, loving, diligent, hardworking, patient, honest, even-tempered, knowledgeable, thoughtful and humble are all words I would use to describe him, to name a few.
After almost a year of talking to each other every day, seeing each other often enough and living our lives side by side. We eventually found ourselves at a party, separated from the others, continually talking as we looked up at the night sky. And there was nothing more satisfying than being there with him that night. It was at this particular moment, that we both realised the potential of our relationship. I thought I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. And so, as time progressed, so did our relationship. Our relation with each other slowly progressed from being friends who talked daily, to friends who held hands, friends who hugged longer than they would anyone else, who cuddled, who went on frequent dates, who exchanged Valentines Day gifts, friends who fell in love. And you wouldn't believe that it took us another whole year to finally share our first kiss!
However, as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, young men and women are given the opportunity to serve as full-time missionaries to proselyte and preach the Gospel all around the world. Two years for young men, and eighteen months for young women. To him, serving a mission was not negotiable in the slightest, and I also had a desire to serve. So while I would like to say that we embedded our relationship into our future and have been dating exclusively ever since, there has always been one obstacle residing in the back of our mind; two years of separation (if not more), all to serve our loving Heavenly Father who grants us daily breath. And by the time he would have returned, I would have already been gone for five months or so. For that reason, we were never 'official', though we were exclusive in our feelings towards each other, we refrained from labelling our relationship.
In late September last year, he received his call to serve as a missionary in the Hungary, Budapest mission and as of three weeks ago, I saw him leave to catch his flight, knowing that I likely wouldn't see him again for almost three whole years. As I prepared to see him go, I knew within my heart that there were only two possible outcomes. We would either grow to become more compatible and continue our relationship, or we would learn to fall in love with someone else even more, ending our relationship. For that reason, I made a conscious decision not to 'wait' for him. And while it was hard to see him leave, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
There were of course, times when I wasn't so content about the future. Leading up to his departure, there were times of distance, and a lot of the time in those moments, the anxiety ruled my mind, my 'ideals' weren't met and all that I wanted was to be with him. I was pushing against the clock, trying to squeeze every last ounce out of my time with him until he was gone. But through this I learnt patience, and acceptance. And I soon realised that because I never had the intention of waiting for him, as I prepared myself to end this chapter in my life, I wasn't only saying goodbye to him for three or so years, I was potentially farewelling our relationship forever. But that doesn't make what we had worthless, or a waste of time. My heart has no room for regret because we have taught each other what love is, and continue to do so. And although our communication may now only be by a weekly email, it has allowed myself to shift my focus and strengthen my relationship first with God, and then with myself.
The thing is about chapters though, is that reading just one chapter without ever having read the chapters before it, is of no benefit to the reader. It's just as pointless as reading the same page over and over again until your tired eyes can't read on. When you read a book, one chapter after the next, you're always prepared for the following chapter. This also applies to life. If I had never experienced the heartache of leaving my chapter with him behind, I could never have been adequately prepared to understand my future with clear eyes and the utmost faith in the Lord's plan for me, each time I turn to the next page. I’ve chosen not to dwell on the past for what used to be, but rather to appreciate that moment in my life for what it was. And for that, I am forever grateful.
In late September last year, he received his call to serve as a missionary in the Hungary, Budapest mission and as of three weeks ago, I saw him leave to catch his flight, knowing that I likely wouldn't see him again for almost three whole years. As I prepared to see him go, I knew within my heart that there were only two possible outcomes. We would either grow to become more compatible and continue our relationship, or we would learn to fall in love with someone else even more, ending our relationship. For that reason, I made a conscious decision not to 'wait' for him. And while it was hard to see him leave, I wouldn't have had it any other way.
There were of course, times when I wasn't so content about the future. Leading up to his departure, there were times of distance, and a lot of the time in those moments, the anxiety ruled my mind, my 'ideals' weren't met and all that I wanted was to be with him. I was pushing against the clock, trying to squeeze every last ounce out of my time with him until he was gone. But through this I learnt patience, and acceptance. And I soon realised that because I never had the intention of waiting for him, as I prepared myself to end this chapter in my life, I wasn't only saying goodbye to him for three or so years, I was potentially farewelling our relationship forever. But that doesn't make what we had worthless, or a waste of time. My heart has no room for regret because we have taught each other what love is, and continue to do so. And although our communication may now only be by a weekly email, it has allowed myself to shift my focus and strengthen my relationship first with God, and then with myself.
The thing is about chapters though, is that reading just one chapter without ever having read the chapters before it, is of no benefit to the reader. It's just as pointless as reading the same page over and over again until your tired eyes can't read on. When you read a book, one chapter after the next, you're always prepared for the following chapter. This also applies to life. If I had never experienced the heartache of leaving my chapter with him behind, I could never have been adequately prepared to understand my future with clear eyes and the utmost faith in the Lord's plan for me, each time I turn to the next page. I’ve chosen not to dwell on the past for what used to be, but rather to appreciate that moment in my life for what it was. And for that, I am forever grateful.
apologies to all those who enjoy photos along with these kinds of posts - he's not a camera loving person, and it disappoints me just as much, I assure you ahaha.